And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
