Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
