Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
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I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
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i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize