dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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