Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
