Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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