roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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