Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
nutella sex= disaster
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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