So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
