If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
