forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
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