btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
