Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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