you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
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He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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