the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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