kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*