I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Dick very happy bro