a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.