Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
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i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.