You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
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Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
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Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.