i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
