she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
