im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
