i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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