So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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