so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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