Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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