she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Sober January is a disaster.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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