this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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