I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
not ubering you a puppy
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
