Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
