i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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