what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
