The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
