Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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