i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We got so high we made milksteak
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
