I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
