hotel room ftw
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
