True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
