my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
