pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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