I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
