she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
