if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
