I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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