I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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