break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
