phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
