Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
