what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
