New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
