After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
