Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
