I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
