I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
