This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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