Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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