the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
