My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
