last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
