So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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