Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
