Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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