her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
