so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
