I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
