she woke up with a sticky ear
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Enjoy the penises
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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