Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
