Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
