No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize