Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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