No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
