that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
